


What am I doing here; If you're not with me?

by magichistorian



Category: Hamlet - All Media Types, Hamlet - Shakespeare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 08:19:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14374701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magichistorian/pseuds/magichistorian
Summary: "The sole thought of living, alone, without this man by him sent wretched shivers through his spine. After knowing Hamlet he could scarcely fathom how he had lived such a dull life those few years."----Where Horatio doesn't listen to Hamlet and drinks anyways.





	What am I doing here; If you're not with me?

Horatio could not be sure if it was his grip, or Hamlet's, that was weakening on the other. He had thought to strengthen his grip around his dear dying friend, but he found his strength had drained away, leaving only his quivering, shaking limbs to keep up the task.

Perhaps it was his grip that was the one weakening. 

His breathing was hitching. That brought Horatio pause. He had to be crying, that would alone explain the breaths failing to escape, as if they were compressed to tightly for his slender throat. 

It wasn't him that was dying, yet the sorrow of such could not help but trickle into him, like an hourglass. As the life falls from the other it accumulates as deep sorrow within the crevices of Horatio's heart. 

If this was what love felt like always he would curse it firmly. But he wouldn't allow it, to grant himself such a satisfaction as disowning his wretches feelings that brought as much warmth as icy air. 

The sole thought of living, alone, without this man by him sent wretched shivers through his spine. After knowing Hamlet he could scarcely fathom how he had lived such a dull life those few years. 

Hamlet's fist clenched stronger around the soft fabric of his sleeve. 

"Let it be. Horatio, I am dead; thou livest. Report me and my cause aright to the unsatisfied."

It had been many years since tears had shed from Horatio's eyes, and perhaps they had been building up behind the dam of his cool stoicness, held tight by ease of emotion. 

And thus when his dam fell, years worth of the sufferings' life water ran from him out his eyes and any shame he may in the past have felt fell with it. 

Through the blurred lens of his sight he observed the fatal chalice and his hand reached for it, abandoning Hamlet's lap. Indeed. He could hardly imagine to live in such a world.

He knew well enough; a world is painful not by how long one sees in black and white, but the anguish to return to that world after seeing the colors of life. 

He curled his slight fingers around the stem of the glass and stared into the liquid within, barely two gulps, yet far from too little to end his life. 

Hamlet had noticed though, and shifted his surprisingly unwavered grip to his wrist. His pleading brought only more tears. 

"My sweet prince, do answer me this. How dost one conquer such a dilemma as mine? How do I decide which choice is the blade in my side each walking day? Do I betray my dear lord's final wishes or do I force myself to live in your world where you are gone? Either way I am wracked with misery and the blame to my inability to help preserve you better."

"Sweet Horatio, my life will scarcely harm thee. Such an intelligent sort as yours knows ways to counter grief. You do not need me to be the leash that you follow like a kindly dog. You are fine in your world with one fewer than before."

Horatio hardened his resolve. "That rests where thou art wrong. There is no life for me."

With a final sob he tilts the glass into his mouth and drains the fatal wine. Sweet, it almost seemed, he thought bitterly. How ironic it was that the fortune of his own death was the sweetest thing that evening. 

Hamlet had cried out again the moment he had raised the glass but it was too late for now any deterrents were like flies to the body of his resolve. 

Only moments after the glass hit the floor again -now empty- he felt a wicked pain strike his chest and he gasped woefully. Hamlet has seemingly begun to sob himself, and they both held each other tightly until- 

Horatio's whittled strength at long last snapped and his arms fully gave out. His body slumped and he found his head against the weakening heart of the man he loved. To figure he would still die first. 

But indeed he did not have long to wait for the tearful form of Hamlet fell himself shortly after, no longer attempting to remain lucid. 

 

Horatio found himself, suddenly, with an unexpected lucidity such as what he had scarcely just lost and he wondered what on earth was the case, dead, he knew he was. But when he opened up his eyes, he found himself surrounded with white as blinding as snow all around. Figures flitted around, yet they seemed to love only shadows with features but not a speck of corporeality. 

He stood on legs less shaky than they had ever been in years. He wondered if this was heaven. Had he truly been so deserving? He was a sinner, was he not? Yet, the possibility formed...

If he had been pardoned enough to achieve bliss did not Hamlet as well? He could only imagine. 

He waited, the flow of time impossible to discern. But after what had to have been a fair while, a figure flashed into existence among the shadows. He let out a shaky grin and started forward. 

"My lord!" He called, and the figure turned. Hamlet indeed it was, as he ran over. 

Horatio spread his arms and accepted the embrace. His tears had already begun to return but he ignored them.

"I beg your forgiveness. I am so so terribly sorry. I was desperate and I fear I still do not regret it."

"Nor do it." Hamlet pulled away enough that they could see each other's faces. "I am surely sorry you could not have a complete life but a selfish part of me cares not." You are with me for eternity. If this is heaven then I wholly accept it."

Horatio sobbed. "I do not deserve such a reward. I aught be damned in hell."

"To hear that sorrows me greatly. Are you not glad we are together? For this was all the heaven I dreamed for."

"Surely you deserve better." Horatio protested. 

"Perhaps I do. And yet my heart is content. Would you follow me to see where our world reaches?"

"My lord, I wouldn't deny following for all the riches in the world," he chided, talking his place for eternity by the side of the man he loved.


End file.
